somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
