Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
COCAINE IS GR8
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