What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
