Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
