Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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