He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
