You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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