Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
