Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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