When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
