bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
there is glitter all over my balls
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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