Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
