Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
