your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
