Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Farmville is her only friend.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
