i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My breasts were aching with rage.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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