I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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