I feel like abortions should bother me more
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
