It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
