Will you blow on my dice?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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