I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
