I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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