My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
