Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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