It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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