The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
