WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
