This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
