Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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