I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
