No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
