and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
