i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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