If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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