I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
