Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize