Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
