Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
