One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
