I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
