Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
