did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
