He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
