remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
