Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
