belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
