And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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