so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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