how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can't put those talents on a resume
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
