Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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