Yo dont text me then not text me
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
