i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
